Hey, Republicans: If You Are Rebranding Yourself As “The Pro-Death Party,” Go Big Or Go Home
I must admit, Republicans, it is quite brave to rebrand yourself as “The Pro-Death Party.”
That IS what you are trying to do, correct? As I understand it, your party opposes any kind of meaningful regulation of assault weapons; and not only opposes expansion of healthcare to more people, but also wants to repeal what access to healthcare many people have. Furthermore, polls indicate that close to half of you object to public health measures designed to protect the lives of the populace and refuse to get vaccinated against the deadliest pandemic in a century. It is difficult to draw any other conclusion than that you have chosen to embrace a Pro-Death Platform.
As far as political tactics go, it is pretty daring. Things may have changed since I drew my last breath, but it is my understanding that most people are generally opposed to death.
Since you clearly seem committed to killing off as many Americans as possible, may I humbly suggest some policy initiatives that will assist you toward that end. While your earnest efforts have produced some impressive death tolls, they pale in comparison to what they could be if you just follow your already-established proclivities to their logical conclusions. “Go big or go home,” as I believe they say nowadays:
1) Repeal all environmental and sanitary laws. We didn’t have many of these in the U.S. before the Progressive Era, and since then deaths from things like typhoid fever, dysentery, and cholera have just plummeted. As you already favor loosening such regulations, why not go the rest of the way? This is an easy choice that should bring impressive results.
2) Stop all vaccination programs. If the goal is to bring as much death as possible, let the anti-vaxxers among your ranks get their wish. Remember all the people you know who have died from Diphtheria, Scarlet Fever, Tuberculosis, Whooping Cough, Polio, and Measles? No? Not a single one? My point exactly — these were major causes of mortality in my day. You are missing a HUGE opportunity here to rack up the body count.
3) Leeches. . .ALL the leeches! Because you already seem to reject modern medical science when it comes to vaccines, you ought to go all-in on rejecting the rest of it. Those medical scientists who came up with vaccines also developed things like antibiotics and other miracle drugs — it would be hypocritical of you not to reject the rest of it. Bring back the good, old-fashioned medicine of my day: lots of leeches, purgatives, amputations (without anesthesia, of course), and completely unregulated patent medicines.
4) Bring back Smallpox. This was one of the most lethal diseases of all time, and could kill people in the millions if reintroduced. It may be difficult, because I understand that it has been eradicated by the most successful vaccination program of all time. But if your scientists are cloning animals now, I am sure they could do this if they gave it the old college try.
5) Private ownership of high explosives, cluster bombs, and tactical nuclear weapons. Why stop with assault rifles? If you believe the second amendment protects weapons deliberately designed to kill as many people as possible in a military setting, then you are already most of the way there, anyway. Go for it!
I am not saying any of this will be easy to sell as political policy. After 170 years of medical advances, the infant mortality rate is down to only 5.6 out of 1000 births, and the average life expectancy is about 79 years. People will have gotten used to, you know, living.
In contrast, when I was president, the infant mortality rate was 216 out of 1000 and the average life expectancy was 39.5 years. So, if you can succeed in implementing these policies, you have a good chance of restoring the country to the good old days of my administration.
You know, to Make America Great Again.
